My room smells like vodka and shame
i think my mom watched the whole time
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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