You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
only you would photoshop your dick
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize