oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
