Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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