I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
