apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
