You work out of a Hotel?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
