I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Randomize
