What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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