i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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