I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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