I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
