So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
