Your dad touched me again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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