I'm lost and stupid without you.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
