I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
