talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
