were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
