Please, let me fuck your mom
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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