SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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