you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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