I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
