I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
