We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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