do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
