Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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