its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize