cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
