I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
