No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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