First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
