I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
