I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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