I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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