sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
