Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
