"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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