Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
