I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
