tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
