Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
