yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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