you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
