it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
