Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
