Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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