this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
