i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's official drugs can't kill me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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