He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
