i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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