Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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