I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
