I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Randomize
