My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
