Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
