It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
