did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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