Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
