If that was your dad, he is hot
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
