He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
