Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
