I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Randomize
