3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
