one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
