I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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