So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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